On Meyer and Her Attitude Towards Her Husband and Marriage

"I think one of the most frustrating things about my confident, self-assured husband is that he is not in the least bit threatened by my devotion to Edward and Jacob, though I have told him many times that if either one of them showed up at the door, I would leave without looking back. Pancho just grins and says, "You do that, Steph."-Stephenie Meyer

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. ~H.L. Mencken

I'm not going to pretend I know the inter-workings of the Meyers' marriage. I also don't know anything about Pancho except for what Smeyer says about him in interviews. In fact, I don't know anything about Smeyer except what she writes and says in interviews. It's her public facade; I hope that she is a different person in her private life because the person she is in her public life disgusts me.

But I still say, if I was married to someone who was so obnoxious about me and our relationship in the way she displays herself to the world I would be pissed. Even if she's exaggerating. Even if she's joking or flat out lying because the way she speaks about her husband speaks to a serious lack of respect towards him.

I can only guess why she feels the need to treat him like that in public and why her public persona (at the very least) is so disdainful of him. I would guess from her books that she is attracted to dangerous men almost to a masochistic degree. But at the same time she wants to tame the bad boy, turn him into a sweet, romantic Prince Charming. She probably wants excitement too, trips to exotic locales and lavish gifts. I don't know what Pancho does but I doubt he can afford to give her that. And now she's the breadwinner and so any gifts he gets her are more or less bought with her money. She seems to think that without those big gestures and bad boy undertones a man is not complete, not worthy of her.

There's also the fact that they've been married at least a decade. By that point passion fades and routine takes over. Having three kids is rough, especially three young boys who are bundles of energy and hyperactivity pretty much by definition. When you have kids with someone the relationship no longer revolves around the whims of either half of the couple, traditionally the whims are the woman's due to popular media and traditional ideals- she needs to be treated like a princess, taken out to dinner and given flowers just because.

When you have kids, especially young kids, they are, or at least should be, your number one priority. You no longer have the money to give your wife expensive jewelry because your kids are growing out of their shoes every six months, seem to be bottomless pits of hunger and any spare money goes into college funds. As for fancy dinners? You are lucky if you get to go out just the two of you twice a year (anniversary and Valentine's Day).

When you've been married for a while and have kids the dynamics of a relationship change. It's not better or worse than before, just different. Or at least that's how most people see it.

But Meyer seems to forget or ignore the wonders of just being with someone and living with them, supporting them through good times and bad and falling into the day to day because you know that you have a partner who will be there to share all of it with you. Instead she seems enamored with the early stages of a relationship: the heady feeling that you can't breathe and your heart is going to pound right out of your chest every time he kisses you, when you can't spend a few hours apart without pining for him, when you think he's perfect in every way shape and form. This part of the relationship is wonderful, I won't deny it, but it's unrealistic for a couple to stay in that stage for a prolonged amount of time.

But look at Bella and Edward- a year and a half into their relationship they act like they've only been dating a week. They aren't bothered with the day to day, there are no groceries to buy and Renesmee will never need to be carpooled to school and ballet and soccer practice. There are no bills that can't be paid off instantly, there are no tiffs over whose turn it is to wash the dishes or pick up the dry cleaning. Neither of Bella nor Edward work so there's no chance of one person feeling neglected. In short, there is no mundane. Everything they do is big and over the top- they don't just go to a nice resort for their honeymoon; they go to a private island. They don't have a small, intimate wedding or even a regular large wedding; they have an extravagant gala affair. They don't drive sedans or minivans; they drive expensive European sports cars. They don't shop at Target or Sear’s; they get designer clothes shipped in right off the Milanese runways.

And this seems to be what Stephenie strives for in her relationship with her husband. And perhaps it is her dissatisfaction in the daily routine that causes her to resent her husband. It’s not fair of her; it’s not right. But unfortunately, this is what happens when you live most of your life in the fantasy world of the first two weeks teenage love.

PS: Many people have complained about Meyer once referring to her children as “chimpanzees on crack.” It’s uncommon for me to defend Meyer, but I’m going to here. I have no doubt that she meant it lovingly, as I have heard similar phrases coming out of friends and relatives mouths. My dad calls my sisters and I monkeys all the time. My cousins are often referred to as “the hooligans.” I’ve even referred to my kindergarten students in similar terms to my friends. I think Meyer’s only fault here was saying it so publically.

PPS: The next chapter snarking will be up shortly. It’s a long chapter that has many things wrong with it, so it’s taking me awhile. Also, I do have a life.